Journey pt 1.

This year, I hope to make blog entries as frequent as they can possibly be updated-what with my two month break before my national youth service-, without any reduction in quality, of course. Been meaning to post something here for the past month…I even downloaded WordPress for Android to make chaff of my frequent excuse of not being able to get on as frequently as I should, but all to no avail. My innate laziness and let-it-go doggedness triumphed over my quest to serve humanity. The result is the very low number of post….just thought to make all the above clear so you don’t think I have nothing worthwhile to write. Wait! Yeah! I just thought of another excuse!…there has been bad power problems in this area of Imo state in which I am holidaying so…you know what, forget it!

Below is a transcript of what my holiday journey experience has been. This will probably be a long one, so I will do you folks the service of breaking this into 2 parts for easier reading and bookmarking.

I arrived owerri with my sister on the 24th of December last year by one of the worst road journeys I had ever undertaken. The genesis? Ok. Let me begin at the beginning…

There was the adrenaline filled rush after waking early in the morning of the 23rd in order to make the luxury bus station in time to get tickets for the day’s approximately eight-hour journey. I wondered why we were doing this so late when the ticket cud have just as well been bought the day before, allowing us the luxury of leisurely driving to the bus terminal to wait for the departure to owerri for the xmas holidays. The cold bath drove every question out of my mind, as did the last minute packing which I can only attribute to my innate laziness…Let me take you back so you can live the moments with me…

Damn, where the hell is my shoe? My sock? Damn, my laptop AC charger? I shiver under the cold as I have just stepped out of the bathroom

Oh God, why is everything going so wrong on this sacrilegiously cold harmattan morning? I glanced at the time 5:36? What the hell was I doing awake?

A little nagging voice tells me that the only thing wrong in the universe is my sense of priority and my attention to time! I frown mentally, annoyed at this aberration.
Ha! Found them. Up yours, stupid nagging know-it-all sense of reason!

I look outside my window as I hear my always-impatient father threaten fire and brimstone on the house and its contents if we were not out of the damn building within the next five minutes. My eyes open wide in shock, for it is at this moment that nature plays a fast one on me. I look at the toilet longingly, I think of possibly embarrassing myself during the eight-hour journey-the side looks and the covered noses and the possibility of a hot girl sitting beside me soaking it all in-then, I remember that I have a penis, that am a man! In control of my d..oh shit! It going to come out. I break into a cold sweat and suck it back in with my ass muscles….or whatever it is that sucks the shit in…

I hurriedly dress and enter the car with my sister in time to prevent my irate father from bursting his healthy heart…

Then came the mad driving to beat the early morning traffic, the venomous exchange of curse words between drivers, the cut throat competition over driving space, the screeching of tires, the lengthy stand-stills. It was too early for the traffic officials to resume duty so the roads truly belonged to the drivers. After all the shovelling and name calling, we arrived at the bus station at about 8:20am.mentally exhausted…well, my father and sister was. I was very busy at the back trying to hold in my shit, wondering what manner of impending disgrace my morning would be laced with. Telling my father of my heart desire to shit my heart out would have resulted in a round of beration and ultimately a refusal, so I carried my cross.

He came down and began the arduous task of looking for a terminal with available tickets. Twenty minutes later he came back with a sullen look and suggested we walk the length of the road with a luggage and try out any of the lesser known bus stations down the busy road. We complied and armed with luggage, we began the sordid business of enquiring after available tickets at about five terminals before we got lucky; Sunquick Travels, I believe it was called.the company(?) had no terminal and was largely unregulated but they had a fleet of air-conditioned buses to their credit. My urge to use the loo was now forgotten, temporarily-you know the way the muscles drag the thing back in only to resurface it when you had almost forgotten you had an urge in the first place. We had to shell out an unexpected twelve thousand naira for two seats. I wished for the umpteenth time that the plane tickets were not so prohibitively costly.this was going to be a long trip. After we got into loading our luggage into the small bus, we settled in for an uncomfortable wait as no one remembered in which direction the driver had gone. Minutes later, after the disappeareance of the driver had inspired a spirit of camaraderie among the passengers, someone espied him across the busy road smoking a cigarette like an addict. Most of the fourteen  passengers made a huge show of being offended at the practice after which two of them quickly disembarked for a smoke. I took all this in stoically, reaching with my mind to the end of my journey when I would be reunited with my mother .